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I intend all of these in the spirit of good fun. Whether you're liberal or conservative, get out and vote this year!

(Oh, and in no way are any of these feats balanced. Don't try to use them in a game and expect them to be fair, or even be worthwhile.)


Politician [General]
You are loved by your sycophants and hated by your detractors.
    Benefit: You get a +8 bonus to Diplomacy checks to influence someone who agrees with you. You get a -8 penalty to Diplomacy and Intimidate checks to influence someone who disagrees with you. If you lie, attempts to refute or point out your lies do not take effect until 1d100 hours later.


Flip-Flopper [General]
You change your position on issues so often it almost seems random.
    Prerequisites: BAB +5, Combat Expertise or Power Attack.
    Benefit: On your turn in any round you make an attack, flip a coin. If heads, apply Combat Expertise (or Power Attack) to its maximum effect that round. If tails, do not use Combat Expertise (or Power Attack). If you have both Combat Expertise and Power Attack, flip one coin for each feat and apply the results appropriately (so you may end up with the full effect of both feats, one feat and not the other, or neither feat).
    Example: John Kerry has Combat Expertise and Flip-Flopper. While on tour in Viet Nam he attacks an enemy. Kerry's player flips a coin. If heads, he applies the maximum effect of Combat Expertise that round (he gets -5 to his attack and +5 to his AC). If tails, he does not modify his attacks and AC with Combat Expertise.
    Normal: Without this feat, you choose to what extent you use Combat Expertise and Power Attack.

Liberal Wiener [General]
Your extreme liberal position means you can suck up to liberal special interest groups.
    Prerequisites: Politician
    Benefit: You get a +5 bonus to Diplomacy checks with the following groups: abortionists, tax-and-spend democrats, anarchists, communists, socialists, peaceniks, gays, atheists, godless heathens, Satanists, witches, the ACLU, non-whites, the United Nations, Unions, the antigun lobby, Hanoi Jane, the French, people from Massachussets, the Kennedy family, the Clintons, and evolutionists.
    Any time that you successfully use Diplomacy to influence one of the above groups, they may target you with a suggestion spell to further their liberal agenda at the expense of the common people of America. You do not get any sort of saving throw or immunity against this spell, even if you are undead or some creature not normally subject to mind-affecting effects.

Three Purple Hearts [General]
Your wartime history gains you an initial advantage, but your incessant use of it wears on your listeners.
    Prerequisites: Wounded in combat.
    Benefit: Once per day you may mention your three Purple Hearts and gain a bonus to a single Diplomacy check (you do not gain this bonus on any later uses of Diplomacy that day, whether or not you mention your three Purple Hearts). The first time you use this feat the bonus is +8. Each time the ability is used, the bonus decreases by 1 (to a minimum of +0).


Faith-Based Initiative [General]
God has spoken to you. You know that encouraging rich people to donate money to churches is more likely to help poor people than actually giving that money to the poor people through nonreligious programs supported by taxes.
    Prerequisites: Politician, professed belief in a deity
    Benefit: Add your divine caster level to all initiative checks. If you have multiple divine caster levels (such as from multiple divine spellcasting classes), add them all. Magic items that affect your caster level affect this ability, because it's good to be rich--it's the American Dream!

No Child Left Behind [General]
You have promised to help all children get a better education (fortunately, you didn't promise you'd actually pay for it).
    Prerequisites: Politician
    Benefit: Children do not count toward your carrying capacity (you could theoretically carry an infinite number of children if you could work out the logistics of carrying them). The child's clothes (but not any other equipment they carry) is also considered to have 0 weight for this purpose. For every child you carry, you get a +1 bonus to Diplomacy checks to influence a parent (maximum +8).
    Money is more important than children who can't afford private school, however, so any time you pick up or receive an item of value, you must drop one child (a free action) for every 1 gp value of that item. You may pick the children up again (a standard action) after you drop them.
    You do not need to feed, care for, or educate these children to gain the benefits of this feat; starving, unwashed, homeschooled children are just as effective as privilidged sons of Yalies for the purpose of getting the Diplomacy bonus from this feat.
    Normal: Children count toward your maximum carrying capacity.
    Special: Rumor has it that there are children out there that aren't white. Carrying such a child is worth +2 to your Diplomacy checks instead of just +1.

Subliminable Nuke-Yoo-Lur [General]
Your inability to function using your native language endears you to your unwashed gap-toothed moron constituents, but infuriates intellectuals (but who needs 'em?).
    Benefit: You get a +5 bonus to Diplomacy and Intimidate checks to influence creatures with Intelligence 9 or less. You get a -2 penalty to Diplomacy and Intimidate checks to influence creatures with Intelligence 13 or more.